bubbly_blonde13

There is a beautiful spot in the Rutherford, where I can curl up and read, main Tom Stoppard but I started Faust on Friday. I've never felt happier than when I sit in a light filled corner, with a book in hand in front of Christopher Smart poety. I've been telling my parents I'm studying for physics. Rutherford was a physicist.

Perhaps this statement was a mistake at first, a strange foreshadowing of what was to come.

Maybe people just change. Maybe I have. Or perhaps the people around me have. I barely feel I know some of my friends anymore.

Consistancy, is it to much to ask for?

Happy Anniversary!

Trial and error, scientific.
Yet somehow I seem to be falling to the same pitfalls everytime.
I know what I should be doing.
I always have.
Somehow that doesn't stop me from making the same mistake.
I'm not willing to do that again.
Ever.

Now I just need to stop myself from repeating mistakes.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. ~ Albert Einstein

So Fredricks attachment to my sister computer has made my week. First off she has veggie tales songs!!!!! I'm not kidding! And I love relient K (just because I don't believe in God does not mean I can't appreciate christian music) but further more she has so much dance/rap music its slightly addicitive and randomly dancing in the aisles at the library was proably not the best idea but it was my second last do so meh, it's all good.

I started work at My Filosophy and its cool and has epic clothing so I'm happy.

Other than that I don't have much to say, I neglet this journal for my private one. I've learned to keep things private even though I am so not a private person. I would make a bad celebrity, I'm very trusting and open. Perhaps its bad.

OH! And I still don't know if I should get aaron a present! I mean techincally he's not an ex and we're still very much friends and he's sending me a birthday present but it hasnt got here yet so I don't know what to get him for a christmas present. Meh maybe I'll just give it to him in germany. Dear lord I hope germany works out. That will be ridiculously fun, other than aidan will throw things at me if I try to sneak off with aaron. W/e I'll arrang a german gaggle for him.
<3

I havn't updated in four weeks! Holy crap! I used to update this thing everyday.

New things with me. Not terribly much, I'm happy, this year is going well and I just won a debate yesterday *happy dance*

I guess I've found that everything works out and that sometimes things have to happen to push you. If I hadnt had some less than desirable things happen to me this year (getting ditched etc) I never would have become as good of friends with certain people and that would be a pity.

<3 things that work out!

U of A open house today! Fun in a slightly random way. After Sarah left for work I went and got food and read my new book <3 happy and then went to the poli sci info session and then acted as my sister dancing monkey for the rest of her shift (she's an econ tutor and had to sit at the booth) but she gave me a ride home so its all good.
Figuring out what to do with my life sucks. Most likely I'll do a poli sci and history double major or a poli sci economics major but making a decision is hard! I can barely figure out if I want to go to the U of A or away! Today has definatly sung me towards U of A but I guess I shall just apply everywhere and see how the cookie crumbles!

Rawwr physics religion and chem, all of which I left till today. I dislike homework since usually I dont do it often and now I am trying to get good marks which isn't working terribly well since I bombed my first calculus test (to be honest the highest mark I saw was an 80% but I'm still grumpy) however Campbell promised me that I would do well on my next test. I better especially since I lost 10% because I am creative and did not do a question in the sheep way and therefore it was almost impossible to figure out the answer. Fi on creativity.
Overall grade 12 is ok not amazing but definatly better than last year, though anything probaly could beat last year. Well not a renactment of parts of inferno but it might come close.

NAKED IPOD!
As strange as it may sound whenever I see my Ipod without a case on it thats all I can think. Even when I see other people carrying theirs around sans protection I want to scream NAKED IPOD. Luckly I can control my urges (FYI Fredrick is only naked if I'm listening to him before bed).
I really want to see what happens if two naked ipods are left alone together. A baby nano?
New mission in life, whenever someone asks me how I'm doing I shall answer honestl, even if they don't really want to know the answer. I'm really beginning to hate how the question "how are you" has become a conversation starter not an actual concern for your wellbeing. I care about some peoples answers but they never seem to give me an honest answer.

New stars album, I'm still deciding how I feel about it. It feels... odd. I only am in love with one song vrs every other stars song. Anywho, other than realizing that none of the topics I want to do for my world history paper don't have enough information to be used or were to recent to be looked at objectivly (I wanted to do Napoleans influence on Slovania good/bad, If crossing the floor has undermined the party system in Australian democracy, crossing the floor is very prevaliant in Australia or if online voting, such as the kind used in this years parlimentary elections in Estonia could save democracy) And now I have to find a boring topic. I hate boring. I might still find something interesting on Estonia. Amazing country. Almost as amazing as Sweden, or Germany.
To head of on the path called tangent, why does the world seem so big untill you want to hide behind the masses? Suddenly the tinyness of the world is revealed, which I'm not going to lie (<3 Jen) sucks.
Wait I now like another song on the new stars album, its loud and passionate <3. Vent has been postponed till I am done with this song. Which may be never.

I tried on my new dress that I got in the states today. After one washing it has gone from a semi respectable lower mid thighish to barely covering my bottom. Its a bit of a gongshow especially because I was planning on wearing it to debate. Hell I still might, other than the shortness its very debaty and no one will notice the shortness with tights.

Other than that I really have nothing to report. I lead a very normal life with excellent music. I discovered The Knife last night. It made me happy. OH! And if anyone has any Gang Gang Dance please send it to me! I read that they share a practice space with Animal Collective <3 and that their fantastic.

What changed?
It seems like something has shifted and somehow I can't pinpoint it. The proverbial elephant is doing an excellent job of hiding.
Something big has changed, I never used to be this person and I almost don't recognize myself, this summer has been good for me but how is hard to explain. I think I like it.
I lost one of my best friends but gained a new one, I stopped disliking myself, feeling guilty and learned to take responsiblity but never overestimate my own importance. Its been a good summer to breathe and be around people who love me. I'm ready for this year, whatever it trys to throw at me.

New hair! At the demand of Ian and Quinn I'm putting the pictures up here to. I'm not going to change my email, or livejournal or threadless account. Its so pretty though! I want to keep dying it, I feel different and its fun! None of my clothes match my hair though. Oh and music and lyrics is my new favorite movie (after lord of war, the matrixs and head over heels) the soundtrack is fantastic! <3 very happy! and colorful!

Happy day! I got a picture of a dreadnought! It was fantastic! However work was blah, which was odd because usually I like work but the time dragged on. I feel happy now like summer has become a warm and squishy bubble of goodness filled with lattes yummy suppers with friends and uber large amounts of stargate (omgomgomg I started watching season 4 because my dad has it on dvd and am now hooked, its fabulous, possibly beats the hills scratch that does beat the hills, they hit golf balls through the stargate amazing!) I'm nervous for school and only slightly more for sharing a room with my sister while on the cruise, ick I intend on only heading back to sleep and the clubs is open till 2 for teens so I will probaly be dancing(poorly) all night every night/ finding cute boy/ running around acting crazy/ stealing sheets for toga party. I love cruises for that reason!

<3
See everyone back at school (btw my hair will be brown, I booked the appointment and damn hair dye is expensive!)

Does anyone get a fairy tale ending? I guess this all depends on whether we truely believed that Cinderella and Prince Charming never fought (having a glass slipper thrown at you has got to hurt) or got divorced or disagreed. If we believed there where no nights that Prince Charming spent on the couch then yes we're setting ourselves up for failure, or even if we believe that the Prince was the most important part of the Cinderella story. I don't think we need a Prince be it a fairy tale or real life. I'm not advocating or even suggesting boy detox (because frankly how long does CS last on boy detox less than five seconds?) Instead lets just all realize that we can and will get our fairy tale (even if we have to commsion it) written be it without so silly high school boy or with one. And since two of us are gone on vacation let's broach the subject of flings. If you like someone but are unsure of how they feel but still don't think you're over them is it moraly wrong to have a fling? I don't think so, so hopefully cruises will have many hot boys and let's be honest for five days who cares about their personality!

Feeling much better than last night. The Hills party was fabulous. Simply because we are fabulous as per usual however once The Hills was over a wave of .... undefinable not depression misery is almost to strong a word upsetness? Perhaps. I just felt upsetness wash over me and Sarah calmed my down while I almosted cried but I didn't. I have never cried for that reason and I never will. There are much more important things to be upset about and I refuse to cry over that!

Still I don't like how even when I think I'm fixed sometimes I'm not but for the most part I'm fixed. I should be fixed by now but sometimes it just comes back but 10 cups of tea and P&P makes life all better and work today was easy! I stamped things and occasionally myself so now me and my sweater are covered in "Cancelled by the Edmonton Public Library" lol it amused me. My shoes racks are all in my new closet and tommorow I move all my clothing down and get my new bed so by the end of this week I will be as far away for the villian as possible. Take the nastiest comments ever made and you have my sister (ex. Its your fault for living here because you're to stupid to get into that IB school) that's what I get pretty much daily. She's an evil poophead but lets look on the brightside, I'll never meet anyone worse. >_> dear lord I hope.

Moving into basement! Yippee phase one of survive Patricia spending yet another year with me is set into action. I get to move into my computer room (which has a closet and all the lovly necessities of a bedroom) a new bathroom since patricia switched me her's, so now I have a jacuzzi and a closet IN MY BATHROOM. I'm kinda pumped, on the downside I may not be able to fit a bookcase into my new room but we'll see next week when I move. Patricia is in heaven because now my bedroom is the "guest" bedroom aka Stalin can now sleep over (her sleep overs were canceled once my parents found out they where in the same bed) so though I will see move of Stalin I can hide out in the basement!

Yesterday I learned that being open to change is a good thing. I was at work and Foo and I were talking about music and then switched ipods which is odd because she usually listens to such depressing angsty music with ugly voices (my main issue with her taste) so though I didn't like most of it and she didn't like AIH, I fell in love with Gregory and the Hawk and she now loves A Smile and A Ribbon. It was odd because the lyrics of each were perfect for each of us, looking at things now Pebbles was basically written for her and A Wish and Boats and Birds just hmmmm fit <3 very happy with new music I'm going to go look for new music to love and listen to Boats and Birds more and then possibly watch P&P addicitive movie *happy*
Oh and I am going to learn how to be funky! Iwant cool style! NOW! Ok not right now but I will hmmm find something that is more me than right now but I don't know if I can pull off funk. Perhaps if I can't look funny now when can I?

Such strange dreams lately! I usually don't remember my dreams and when I do it's because things are changing. The last time I remember having such vivid (and to be honest wacked out) dreams was my last month of grade nine. I've had dreams every night though and usually I can remember them when I wake up. Its all very strange mosting because nothing is changing, I'm .... floating in a bubble of happy being able to hang out with my friends but also getting my hermit time, which during school I feel like I neglect my friends in order to get.

Taking off on my noble steed tangent (reading way to much richard dawkins) perhaps time does heal all wounds. Maybe heal is the wrong term, more that in time everything is forgotten. I used to hold grudges of legendary scale but now I don't. I'm not mad at anyone, though the Kathleen hate box is high. I find this highly amusing especially some peoples silly logic, people who have legitimate reason to hate me, well some do some don't. I for one am very happy R. didn't choose to hold a grudge but now I may have the same problem with A. who I havn't talked to in about two months. It may blow over yet, this really isn't our longest record of not talking.

I really would like to know what my subconcious is trying to tell me because my dreams are just out and out weird like being an intern at a super wacked up law court and not acting like myself at all. I kept trying to make my BOSS sit on my feet(granted I do this to my friends but I would never act that unprofessionally) and then I ran around reporting for a newspaper and then the evil intern from the hills showed up. Gong show to say the least.

OH! And I told my mother my ultimatium, If my sister isn't gone next year I am. Frankly I am trying to not just tell her that she is a pompous aragent meanie who can't argue worth a damn and therefore gets nasty, ok I was just being nasty but frankly that was true unlike the comments that I am a "bitch whore" when she has done everything I have and therefore has even less reason to judge me for anything. Grr. Ok back to happy bubble of working nights and her working days, now if only I could work school out like that...

The dog ate my chinese food! I left it on the coffee table because my parents and sister are out so I had a hermit night (def. watching gilmore girls reading the gambler damn angsty russians and getting chinese food) and before the third gg episode I went to get more diet coke leaving my large amounts of food that is really bad for you on the coffee table and came back to find the dog with his face in my food. Even with the short end to my dinner I am still exeptionally full.

Onto the most important part of chinese food, the fortune cookie. Mine said "Do not hide your feelings. Let others know where you stand." Honestly everyone knows where I stand, I am a very open person theres not much I have to hide, theres some stuff that stays private (shocking eh?) but most is out in open air. So odd my fortune is unaplicable *tear* but still ok because the cookie was good.

And heritage days lacked cute german/ scandinavan boys! All the people at the tents were old! It was terrible but I learned random things about finland. Overall a very good day especially for Yasper, who is more asian than I assumed.

I passed my learners! *happy dance* Actually I failed it on saturday *shame* but I passed today and my cheeks just started to bruise today so I put coverup on them (which HURT) and tried tp make myself look normal but the picture is still funny!

ARRGGGHH and either my medication (thyroid issues) is not working or my painkillers make me super sleepy because I went for a walk at 8 today came back at 10 and fell asleep till 3. Then I took the test and watched the hills until my sister kicked me downstairs because unlike her I don't work all day and therefore she oh so much more important and wonderful. I really can't stand her lately especially her pressure to make me and alyssa friends again. I'm not mad at her I just really dont have anything to say to her. She still has my first season of gg though! Correction my sister gave it to her sister. Somehow it has become my responsibilty to retreive my dvds that she lent to her friends. Frankly I can't wait till she's gone. I'm trying to think of creative ways to get her out of my life. One would include her moving out. She's almost 20 and moved back home, thats pathetic. Whats even more pathetic is that she could afford to buy a condo, my parents said that if she wants nicer one they'll give her a loan but she just wants to live here. Grrrrrr to idiotic siblings. One more year.

Life is good though I went shopping and bought a happy coat, so now I am pumped for winter and school to start, kinda excited for debate again, slightly frightened but theres nothing leathem can do to me other than get mad at me.

So goodnight and stay off the roads!